Day Two: Two Peas in a Pod

My boyfriend and I had a conversation about dancing tonight. Somehow, that conversation led us to talking about how neither of us really have friends. From there, I got to thinking, I don't want to be like my parents when I'm older. They don't have friends. Not really anyways. My mom has acquaintances from work or girlfriends from years ago she goes out to lunch with once in a blue moon. My dad, well... I don't really know about my dad. He doesn't really talk to anyone. All my parents really have is each other, and that gets to be overwhelming even for them sometimes. I'm shocked they haven't gotten divorced yet.

When I was a little kid, the friend thing was never a problem for me. I played with all the neighborhood kids, had three best friends in elementary school. I was normal. Then we moved, but I found it easy to make friends. It wasn't until high school that I found it to be difficult.

Middle school drama took away the group of friends I did have and my first year of high school, I was one of the guys. You can't really talk to guys about girl problems, crushes and shopping though. As high school progressed, I managed to gain a few more friends, but never had a best friend or close group of friends. I stuck to acquaintances because I guess it made my life easier. Lonelier, but easier. My weekends were spent at home while everyone went out and I was content to be left out of drama. Funny how it still manages to get you every now and again though.

Now that I'm in college, making friends is difficult. I've gotten really used to being alone or being a "single serving friend" as Tyler Durden would say. The first day of class at my first college, I watched two guys walk up to each other, slap each others hands and instantly become friends. Why can't everyone be like that? When I transferred schools, I started making friends with the girls on my floor after meeting one girl at bingo. After a few weeks I'd worn myself out of spending time with them. I'm even tired of the few people I still talk to from back home. I'm back to being alone. I'm not sad because I'm alone. I'm aware that I did that on my own by isolating myself. I'm just sad that I do isolate myself.

Hopefully, someday, I'll be able to be less introverted and accept people for how they are without losing my patience so fast, to learn to balance being around them so that I don't lose my mind. I don't want to live my life alone with only my spouse, and friends I see twice a year for an awkward catch up dinner at alternating houses.

On the bright side, I finally have a best friend. Me and my boyfriend are just two peas in a pod. We may be alone, but we have each other.

Picture : Mouse. [It's a hippo, I'm aware]. My boyfriend gave it to me for Christmas. He's like our son.